Discovering Relational Breakthroughs, Pt. 2 1 Corinthians 3:10-23 What kind of people are we? What’s our group identity? How do we act together?   -We are a people who are happy to be together and we create environments of joyful belonging. -We are a people who value relationships above performance or productivity. -We are a people who are faithful friends, “I will not abandon you, even when we have a conflict.” -We are a people who would rather listen than speak. -We are a people who see what God is building in others. -We are a people who spontaneously love our enemies and return blessings for cursing’s. -We are a people who remind each other who we really are whenever we forget. -We are a people who share others pain, even when we have caused it. “When we neglect right-brain development in our discipleship, we ignore the side of the brain that specializes in character formation. Left-brained discipleship emphasizes beliefs, doctrine, willpower, and strategies but neglects right-brain loving attachments, joy, emotional development, and identity. Ignoring right-brain relational development creates Christians who believe in God’s love but have difficulty experiencing it in daily life, especially during distress…. When Christian leaders do not train people in love, relational skills, and identity, this neglect produces a half-baked discipleship. Most leaders, like me, have never developed their own maturity skills. Churches are filled with leaders who are gifted at theology, preaching, and vision-casting, but may not have relational and emotional skills.” Jim Wilder, The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation “As long as you think, feel, or act as if there is nothing you can do about what you’re struggling with, you will remain STUCK.” Henry Cloud Six Ways to Get Relationally Unstuck and Experience Relational Breakthroughs: By confronting our spiritual laziness and taking our spiritual growth seriously. 2. By discerning the ways our shadow-selves impacts our relationship to others. 3. By viewing our relationships in proper perspective and refusing to find our identity through them. 4. By building our relationships on the right foundation. “With Paul’s own concern in view, and in light of the context of the argument as a whole, one may rightly argue, therefore, that for Paul the “gold, silver, and costly stones” represent what is compatible with the foundation, the gospel of Jesus Christ and him crucified; what will perish is sophia in all of its human forms… The two kinds of material listed in v. 12 serve as the points of reference. On the one hand, those who stay with the gospel as Paul preached it, who build the church in Corinth with “gold, silver, and costly stones,” will see their work “survive” the test, and they “will receive their reward.” On the other hand, those who persist in pursuing sophia, who are building with “wood, hay, and straw,” will see their work consumed and they themselves “will suffer loss”—although their loss, he is quick to qualify, does not refer to their salvation…The implication is that the person persisting in his present course of “worldly wisdom” is in grave danger, and that he “will be pulled out of his rubble heap just in the nick of time” (Gordon Fee, The First Epistle to the Corinthians). 5. By treating one another as God’s sacred property. 6. By enjoying life and relationships through the lens of our identity in Christ. “People who do best in life have a well-defined identity.” Dr. Henry Cloud “When our churches or communities have fear-based attachments to each other and to God, this creates a chaotic environment for growth. If attachments are weak or transitory instead of secure, development will be stunted. The neurological circuits that Jesus designed to build us into His image are running on empty. The soil is depleted.” Jim Wilder, The Other Half of the Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation. Does God really change us? Yes, he does, but there’s a caution. And it’s this. The change we yearn for is unlikely to be some quick miraculous fix. That’s especially true as it relates to our core character defects. That’s because He wants us to untangle the web of how we got there to begin with. If we look for a quick fix, we will remain stuck and become disillusioned with God, which in turn will result in hopelessness, despair, and an eventual shutting down of our very selves. At this point, we may even find ourselves in an existential crisis. Wearily standing at the crossroads wondering, “God, where are you? Why won’t you change me?” We might even feel forsaken. That’s why it’s crucial for us to remember that change of the deep sort, the kind that addresses the very core of our inner being is slow and only comes through much reflection in the context of a healthy agape oriented community, which in time enables us to get at the root system without fear of shame and condemnation, so we can actually move beyond mere surface change and experience lasting transformation. That’s where the miracle resides. Not in the quick fix, but in the deep fix. While the quick fix would certainly be easier, or may even seem nice, without the hard work, without the sweat, and without the tears, we’ll never have a true understanding of ourselves. Without the agony, we’ll fail to know the ins and outs of why we do what we do. Without the angst, we’ll remain blinded to the cause and effect of our character. And without the process, we may even cheapen change and sit in judgment over others as we secretly think, “Why don’t they just grow up? Change is not that hard.” But that’s a lie. Change is hard. It cuts us and it cuts us deep. And here’s why. The slow baked change that transforms the core of who we are brings us out of the other side with compassion, empathy, humility, and the kind of insight God can really use to help us spread core change to others. This kind of change will give you a ministry, an audience, and a story worth listening to. So, don’t give up. Don’t get weary because there’s a gold mine of character to be discovered. So, grab a shovel and start digging. A treasure awaits you.